Not quite what I had in mind......

The day before yesterday I activated a project, really activated it....to lose weight and get more exercise. I don't think that what happened was really an answer.... a nasty bout of gastro, I have *lost* 2.5 kgs and got plenty exercise running to the loo, every hour during the night.

Still, it made me think about my project, and the book I am reading reinforced it.. any changes have to come from me, there is no magic pill, it is down to my determination and the positive thinking that sophro brings with it.

I have been trying to come up with an explanation of what sophro is for me, away from the scientific basis that it has. For me it is a way of active relaxation that helps me to get into the state of mind where I can influence my future. I hope that I can find a simpler way to explain it later, but for the moment that will have to do.

As I drink my tea this morning, I know that *those* lost kilos will come flooding back, but the insights that I had yesterday, in between dozing, shall stay. And the kilos that I am going to lose as from here on in, will really be lost. And the exercise will be a bit more targeted, so that I reach my objective of a healthy weight, and a toned body.

Getting rid of Perfectionism

I had wanted to give a chronological account of my sophrology weekends, but I realise that that is the perfectionist in me raising its ugly head; and even more so the twin of procrastination.

So instead I shall write about the weekend that I have just enjoyed.

This was in Grenoble, with a group of ladies that I have go to know over the last year or so. We are now the second years. This weekend we worked on the RDC 4 and it was mind blowing, really really strong. It was also the first time I had fallen asleep during an exercise which really annoyed me. But that's life!

We worked on energy, and values. It made me think, really think, and not surprisingly what came up for me was individuality, the responsibility, but also the happiness....it's bit like flylady and flying, i.e. finally loving yourself. I also thought about Desiderata, that old studenty thing for me "I am a Child of the Universe" I found it in French, and shared it with the others on the second day. They loved it too....it is very sophro!

Sophrology brings together so many threads, and gives a way for me to actually do something. At the very very least I have learned some strong relaxation techniques, so strong I even fell asleep!

The first weekend

The first weekend at the Sophrocentre was not exactly as either My LO or I had envisaged. His idea was for a way for me to learn to slow down. What I found was that the course was to teach me to be a Sophrologist. And from the very first day I was hooked.

We were invited to friends to eat on the Saturday, and I could not stop talking.... well that is nothing knew anyway. What I remember is seeing these other women, all younger, who had an active calm, and I wanted that too. I had seen *calm* people in the past, but many of them seemed to be missing a certain oomph, and these ladies had it. LO was not exactly disappointed, but surprised...and the more he saw my enthusiasm, the happier he was. As he says, I have the soul of a teacher, so this was really my thing.

One of the things that has been my bête noir ever since surfaced that first day... my problems with my third system, my sternum. This represents the affective, the emotional....why am I not surprised? When doing one of the exercises I had the most incredible pain, like really bad indigestion, I was bent double. My co-learners are now very used to the sound of my burping through the exercises. I try not to be embarrassed, but it is not easy. It has got a lot better now, but not yet completely over.

The beginning

My voyage with sophrology started a little over a year ago. But in order to understand the context, I shall first introduce myself, and give a short introduction to my life.

I was born on the 21st March 1957, in a town called Thurso, in the North of Scotland. Due to my father's profession, we moved quite a lot, 4 times in 7 years. The plus side of that is that I am adaptable. The minus, a real unwillingness to get rid of things. I studied law at Edinburgh university, where I met my now ex husband. After my honours year I went to Italy to teach, and we got married in secret; I had been in a possibly fatal car accident, it was not obviously, but we were going at 130 kms an hour when we skidded. I studied European Community law for a 5th year in Amsterdam, then moved to London where my ex was working. He decided to become a management consultant, I moved back to Edinburgh, got a job and qualified as a solicitor. We had two children, he had a first affair, and I left my job as a solicitor to join his peripatetic life style, to try to save the marriage. 2 years later we settled in France. After 10 years and two more children he left me for another woman. I stayed in France, built up a career in teaching, and for the last 8 years have been in a long distance relationship with a wonderful man. Also born in 1957.

I have been doing the equivalent of two full time jobs for some years now, teaching English at a business school, and lecturing law at University. This is on top of bringing up 4 children on my own. Even when married my ex was usually away for the week, and sometimes only home one weekend in two, or worse. My home was not as organised as I would have liked, eclectic would be a very kind way to describe it, and my mind was not serene. I suffered a major breakdown leading to hospitalisation when the ex left. Even now my LO says that my mind moves too fast!

We decided to have a big 50th birthday party, a sort of public commitment; and that meant of course a present to each other. When he told me that his intended present would help me in the house, I did wonder if it might be a skip. But no, it was a weekend of "stress relief" a weekend of sophrology. What he said was really a declaration of love......he wants to grow old with me, not bury me!