Today I was writing on my daily practice, putting it down on paper, so that I could record it and listen to it in the morning. And it brought home to me, to the point of tears, my fears for the future.
In sophrology,we do not use simple visualization, it is more than visualization….it is a sophro perception using all our senses…..in other words, we do not imagine it, we really live it! We feel the heat from the sun, the cold of the snow; we smell the perfume from the rose; we hear the sounds of the waves; we taste the first strawberry, we see the beauty of the sunset.
As in the passage above, I have been avoiding my fears, putting them to the back, pretending that as they have not yet come to pass, I can ignore them for the moment.
But I can’t.
Very shortly I shall be living on my own; my four children will be in four different countries and my partner and I have a long distance relationship. I shall be coming home to an empty house, and leaving one in the morning. All contact will be by phone or skype. Yes, that is a lot better than nothing, and it is not as if I don’t have people in the world who love me. But it is scary all the same; more than scary. So now I need to face my fears.
I even had a “methinks he doth protest too much” moment during the holidays, when I was explaining to a friend, why I could not go and live with my partner (we have very different characters, are both very independent, different styles of life…..blah blah blah)
So, having had the tears, nox it is the time to work on the positive, to enjoy…..and that brings a sinking feeling to my stomach!
A lot of work to be done.
I’ll let you know how it goes